The Gilmore Girl’s Relationship

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When I was in college my roommates watched “Gilmore Girls”. They knew all the episodes, characters, plots and even the inside jokes. I didn’t know it very well, but would watch bits and pieces.

I started watching Gilmore Girls the day I heard the phrase, “It’s a girl!”

We came home for the doctors, I got in my sweats, cozied in on the couch and turned on Netflix. What was the very first show to pop up but Gilmore Girls. I thought to myself, “This must be a sign”, and from there my addiction began. I finished the entire series before my daughter was even born.

I was so intrigued with the relationship between Lorelei and Rory Gilmore, as well as Lorelei’s relationship with her mother. The relationships were very different. One was more strict and formal while the other was very open and silly. I wondered what kind of relationship I would eventually have with my daughter.

One night I saw a video that a YouTube mom put on Facebook talking about how mothers and daughters should not be friends. From there it led me to a different YouTube video of another mom arguing the opposite point. Thus began the debate of the “mother daughter friendships”.

The first woman felt that mothers and daughters should not be friends, but have a strict mother daughter relationship as matriarch and child. She argued that you should not be friends with your daughter because your child will not respect you as much if you are put on “their level”.

The second woman stated how important it is to become close friends with your children. Their argument was that if you do not become friends with your child how will they ever learn to trust you, and feel like you are on their side?

After watching both videos I thought about what my stance in the matter was. Did I want a Gilmore Girls relationship with my daughter, or not? Then I realized my thoughts were the same as every other parenting debate I’ve ever come across.

Every single mother is different.

Every single child is different.

Every single parent/child relationship is different.

Some mother daughter relationship’s work better as friends. Some work better in a more strict environment. Some moms choose to breastfeed, some don’t. Some mother’s choose to stay at home with their kids, some don’t. Some parents spank their kids, some don’t. People need to understand that we all make choices, and we should not judge others for making choices that are different than ours.

My daughter is only one, and I have no idea what type of relationship we will have yet. All I know is that it will be a relationship we are both happy and comfortable with, and I hope people don’t judge our decision. If you want to be like Lorelei and Rory Gilmore then go grab your coffee, have a speedy conversation and be friends like them. I’m not judging you.


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To My First Born

You will never know the special place you hold in my heart, my first born. It doesn’t matter how many children I have, there is one spot in my heart that is saved specifically for you. This does not mean that you will be my favorite, and it certainly does not mean that I will love you more. It means that you and I will have a bond that none of my other children and I will share. I know I will hold a strong attachment to them in someway as well. But you, my dear, you are my first born.


You made me a mother.

You are the first person to give me the greatest title I’ve ever received, “mom”. I always wanted to be a mother, and you made that happen.

I will have more children, and I will also be their mother, but it was you who put me through the initiation.


You’ve taught me so much.

I knew nothing about raising a baby before you came along. Literally nothing. I was so scared. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. “How will I know how much she needs to eat? Is she going to be warm enough in this? Is it okay if her poop is this color?” It was a new and challenging time for both of us.

You made it easy, and slowly we figured out things together.


You introduced me to all the wonderful things about motherhood.

Watching you grow was the greatest thing I’ve ever witnessed. Every small thing you did I celebrated. It was so exciting to see a child discover the world around them daily, and you were able to give me that excitement for the very first time. I know I will be just as excited when my other children have their first accomplishments as well, but you introduced me to how truly remarkable a growing baby can be.


You introduced me to the tough things about motherhood.

There were times when I was lost. Times I just didn’t know how to make you happy. There were days that we both just sat there and cried and neither of us knew what to do. I felt like I wasn’t doing anything right. We made it, though. We’ve made it through everything together, and it’s made us stronger. Maybe you’ve even paved the way for the next child so things won’t be as hard for me the second time around.


You’ve made me appreciate others.

Even though you were an easy baby, you were still a lot of work. You made me appreciate the family and friends that were constant supports whenever I needed them.

You showed me a new side of my parents as you gave them this new title, grandparents. You helped me to appreciate the way they raised me as I began to raise my own little human.

You made me look at my husband as not only the man I married, but this wonderful new father, whom I saw in a new light. We became a stronger team, having to make decisions and come up with new ideas together for you.


You showed me how to love in a completely different way.

I never knew how much I could love something until you came around. It was like a different part of my heart that I didn’t even know existed opened up to love this tiny baby more than I have ever loved anything. I feel like I can love more, and I feel like I can love harder.


Thank you, my first born. Thank you for entering my life and changing it completely for the better. I will never be able to explain the place you hold in my heart, and just how deeply I love you.